jan 18

I sold my sweaters and exchanged my running shoes yippie!! I only got $35 in store credit but w/e i only had them because they were in a lot on auction and i only wanted some of them.

Running errands wasn't that bad, and I got to see it snow! It was raining and then suddenly changed while i was driving, it was cool to see. A giant clump of snowflakes flew into my eye and it was so cold it hurt lol. Got a kombucha at the co-op and i think it healed my weird tummy.

Doing errands in my town makes me feel like im in Richard Scarry's Busy Town, but if i have to drive to the town over its like im macheting through the jungle or on the oregon trail..

jan 17

Thinking abt how some people get worked up about age gaps in relationships because of power dynamics or whatever. Maybe men and women shouldnt date each other too then.

I hooked up with a 19 year old when I was 24 and my friend was like wow thats kinda fucked up :// LMAO. so silly.

jan 16

i need to get better at going home before 2am when visiting my friend's house! I'm always so glad when i leave at midnight, but i feel like we havent all talked in a while and i was having fun so I was sticking around. I went to a hardcore show beforehand and it was fine. Its not really my thing but one of the bands was more doom-y which i liked. I drank one of the best miller high lifes ever at the venue, i was really feeling it. I talked a lot with my crush at work and I want to try cooking something he mentioned. Tomorrow I want to try doing ERRANDS ALL DAY?!?! I really have trouble Doing Things, esp things that are new and not that fun. kinda off to a bad start being still awake at 3 am (im making sure i've eaten enough before bed) but i think its ok. I hope the milk in my chia seed pudding hasnt gone bad.

• running shoes
• bike repair
• sell sweaters

also most chores cost like $200 so... ive been putting it off. I need an oil change so bad too but the place i go to is closed on the weekends so i keep not going.

jan 15

Called to order takeout from somewhere I've never been before that my coworker recommended. I'm pretty pleased and proud of myself (calling + going new places alone are intimating) but I forgot to ask for a spice level so I got level 0 spice lol. I added cayenne pepper at home :) Still very good pad thai! I read in a blog (see below) that you gotta go do shit so you can have more things to talk about, so you can meet more people and do more shit!

https://mehretbiruk.substack.com/archive?sort=top

It's so true, even if that is just getting takeout.

I'm over being different, everyone is the same at the core (this is good) I'm not too [anything] for connection. People naturally want to understand each other. My mild shyness is really not a big deal.

Fear of rejection manifests as fear of others.

jan 14

yeah they call me blood fart, not to brag or anything.

Tummy/butthole problems actually making it harder for me to be social?? hello wtf... I need to fix this NAOW

jan 12.5

Do you think my recurring constipation and hemorrhoids have some sort of spiritual significance? If they do, it's probably too on the nose.

I need to buy more prunes and witch hazel wipes at the store in the morning.

Once I had a wart on my toe for like 3 years and it finally fell off when someone cut ties with me. #hiddenmeanings

Looking someone in the face, like really looking at them, when they're talking to you and they are doing it back and you can tell they're enjoying looking at you. Fucking sick as hell it makes me insane. When they ask you about some dumb random shit just to be able to talk to you!?? Help... Still don't know if this guy is single but Signs Point To Yes.

(i will still 2nd guess if im interpreting his behavior correctly for the next 2-6 months at least)

Getting to know someone is so fucking amazing. Fuck every dating site for making me think otherwise. I am delighted whenever I learn anything new about him. I am not going to skip straight to the "good part" and force false intamacy by making someone cum, or by like oversharing. I probably do that more these days, but my instincts to suck off any dude I want to be friends with are still intact.

it was my friend/ex's birthday on friday and i had forgotten until today. (Reading someones flounder page about how its their birthday tomorrow/today reminded me, happy birthday!) I felt so bad, i even bailed on our plans the day before we hung out kms. Ill have to buy him flowers or bread or something. I'm still glad i didnt put out but I feel worse about it now.

jan 12

Really thankful that I look forward to my job. I barely make enough money to not be in the red, but idc. I tried another "real" job last summer and i cannot do it. Telling myself that it's fine to do my silly job and that I don't have to work towards some "career" has made me feel so much better. I'm finally learning what it feels like to realize and do what I want.

jan 11

Tried on like 8 different pairs of running shoes and all of them felt weird. Hanging out with my ex but I can't stop thinking about my crush. My ex and i haven't had sex in a while, and the last time we did I was like wow.. that sucked. Not for any specific reason, or anything he did, but I think I just don't like him sexually anymore. Idk how to say I don't want to bone anymore, because I still want to see him and enjoy being cuddly. But it feels unfair of me to do that and not put out.

I know that is dumb but I'll always feel/fear that dudes won't care about me unless they can use me to get off :)

jan 10

playing naked outside and saw a shooting star :)